TAKING ADVANTAGE OF A GRIEVING FAMILY THAT DOES NOT KNOW ANY BETTER

Wow, this is a tough one.

First -  Every funeral home's pricing is affordable to someone, and any funeral home can charge whatever amount they want. No matter how ridiculously high the price is. This is not illegal. .

Second -  Corporate funeral homes, or ANY funeral home on cemetery property will charge you the most outrageous price they can, you are an easy sell. They feel you will probably expect to stay there because you think they will take care of you.... they won't.  Be cautious of the phrase "now lets go over to the mortuary now that we are done with the cemetery part" YOU are to think this is appropriate and you are obligated, you are not.

This is a story about one of those locations, it is factual, you will be surprised and stunned. Read on.

Now, to the left  is a rental casket, the casket shell is re-used and the interior is removed with the deceased and sent to cremation in a INSERTABLE and removable  rigid cardboard container.  The cardboard container costs the mortuary about $170 to $220. The use of the rental shell costs you from $330 (Avenidas Funeral Chapel) and up to and over $900 at some corporate funeral homes. Mind you, this is a "REUSABLE CASKET" and you are just paying for the shell, this does not include the insert. The casket itself costs the funeral home about $1,500.

Now, to your right is a CREMATION Casket. Cremation caskets are a one time use casket that is used for the service, viewing and storage of the deceased and then cremated with the body. They are UNIQUE to caskets because they have little if no metal in them. Cremation caskets are the "NEW" burial casket (for revenue) to the funeral industry. Even though less costly to make than their metal burial counterpart (most anyways and most come from China), The price on these caskets is climbing more and more and more. The funeral home needs to  charge you more to compensate for the amount lost due to lack of burial services. Not understanding that the general community is turning to cremation due to its affordable appeal to the community, a vast part of the funeral industry feels that the consumer will not know the difference in service prices, all that they will know is that disposing of a human body will cost the same, no matter what. The corporate funeral chains count on your ignorance of the procedure and its pricing to make money. Remember, 69% of services in Arizona are CREMATION! 38% to 70% nationally.

All that said, do you see much of a difference in the two caskets? Yet the cremation casket costs more for the same thing....

The use and sale of a CREMATION casket is highly encouraged by the industry over a RENTAL casket. Why you ask? Revenue. They also have more pressure power (playing on your emotions to not use a rental) over the rental, AND, this is the big one, not only are you charged for cremating the deceased, you are also charged for burning the casket, this with the excuse that it takes more time, more fuel,  more time means fewer cases (bodies) can be cremated that day.

The corporate and high cost funeral establishment would like to do away with the rental casket, at up to and over $900 profit in a single use, and that's just for the casket, they feel there is no money in it. That's over $900 and up.... no money?

The Story

A family came to us about 10 days ago in search of a solution to their funeral/cremation nightmare.  This family had lost a member and decided to go to a local mortuary/cemetery location in their neighborhood.  Not even aware that this was a corporate funeral home, they decided that it was most convenient.  The deceased most simple wish was the have a visitation with the body present yet no viewing, (closed casket), military honors or flag folding with three active duty members to do this, playing of taps, a few words from a minister and memory folders. Total time, 30 minutes for family, 2 1/2 hours for everyone else, in the evening. Then on to cremation.

As you have read everything above, no more, no less, total cost - $8,100.

Our cost for the same thing with the Rental Casket?  around $2,300.

The difference  - $5,300

That is Eight Thousand One Hundred Dollars!

I don't know if you are aware of it or not, the same price at any other facility will get you a full blown burial with visitation, church service, hearse, flowers, cemetery costs, book, folders, military honors, escorts, limousine for  the  family,  memorial video, casket cross, clergy and on and on...

There are a few things that I find VERY disturbing about this poor family's case.

1. They  were not wealthy -  They did not have a large amount of capital (cash). Yet the counselor sat them down and ensured they spent as much money as they could possibly spend giving them absolutely no advice on how to save and cut corners. The counselor DID NOT take the families budget into account. If an arrangement/funeral counselor does not even mention or bring up your budget, you should consider this a red flag. Be warned, they are not looking out for your best interest at all.

2. There was no viewing -  Yet  the family was required to have the deceased  dressed, prepared and embalm (perhaps they were NOT told it was not required and afforded the family to act on their assumptions and have it done, this is not uncommon).  Embalming is not required by law, and I am also aware that this facility only requires embalming and dressing if their will be a viewing, the body was not viewed. This is a direct violation of the Arizona State Board of Funeral Directors and Embalmers rules and the "Funeral Law" established by the Federal Trade Commission. I find it hard to believe that a family that was short on funds would request these procedures if they could not be afforded.

3. The casket -  Why in the world would a family that was not in a financial position to afford such an extravagant casket that would be cremated, choose such a vessel over a rental casket, that looks the same, if not better and costs much much less. Because the ARRANGER merely rolled over from the planning stage to "now lets pick the casket", not ever offering the family the more affordable rental casket.

Seeing how uninformed they were of what to do and how to do it, this trusted funeral arranger merely took full advantage of this poor grieving family. This funeral arranger failed in all areas to assist this family in making the right decisions. Thus, when the the family left the facility, they immediately called us and were very much filled with anxiety and spoke with our counselor with a "What have we done" tone in their voice.

The sad thing about all this is, even though the family spent this exorbitant amount of money at this facility, the funeral staff and managements could not see it in themselves to at least offer a register book.

WHY?

Now, many may ask, if the family was in such financial distress, why did they pay it and why did they not leave?

1. Shame - Many counselors will subtly put the burden of shame on a family to encourage them to stay, "Are you sure you want to go to a CHEAPER location". No one uses the  rental casket these days, really, a rental casket? Are you sure that's what you want for your DAD? You know someone else has used that don't you?"

2. Fear - Fear of legal retribution from the corporate giant. Nice facility, nice suits, hefty prices equals one thing, big lawyers. The family thinks that because you sign a contract, you are bound financially to the services requested. The only financial responsibility you have is that which has been accomplished up to the time you change your mind and have the loved one removed from the facility, I.E. removal, refrigeration etc.  The word "contract" is used as much as possible in an arrangement conference giving you the illusion this is a legal session. Making you feel very intimidated or very important. It is meant to be that way.

3. Guilt - Isn't your dads, life, service to country and Blah, Blah Blah worth all this at least?

4. Uninformed - People are told "Surely your aware that the cost of funerals are going up and up and up.  Oh all funeral homes charge just about the same these days, It's the economy, Burial costs about the same as cremation, well you did ask for the most affordable package". 

5. Trust  -We thought we could trust him/her. They seemed so nice, it was a nice place, They ensured us that is the best we could do. We signed a contract, we did not know we could change our minds or services. They referred allot to God and religion."They told us to trust them". 

6. Unaware -  We  did not know we had options outside of the packages that were presented to us. We thought we had to take all that other stuff that came in the package. Stuff we don't understand and won't use that cost a lot of money. When we inquired we were told, "you have to take it, it comes with the package, I didn't know we could walk out, I didn't know that we could shop around".

7. Confusion - We were so confused, we did not know what half of what we were being told was, all we knew is that we thought it was "REQUIRED".  We were not told it wasn't.

8. Commission - The driving force behind this counselors sale is NOT your best interest, it is a commission payment that they receive to sell the largest, most expensive package. Corporate funeral ARRANGERS, as they are called, are traditionally low paid inexperienced sales people who profit off of your misery. Their mission is to turn big dollars for the "company" to insure that corporate stocks do not fall.

The Outcome

In the end, out of a sense of guilt and desire to honor their  financial  commitment  to this corporate  facility, the family did stay with them.  They apologized a great deal to my counselor over the period of the service. Why? Because they failed to remember that they had a member in the family that worked at a family owned and operated funeral home.  They made a very bad decision and did not know nor were not told by their "COUNSELOR" how to change it let alone get out of it. This would never happen because the counselor would lose the commission. Of course he/she will not guide you to a more affordable service.

Remember something, The responsibility of the counselor/arranger/director, or who ever sits with the family to make the arrangements is to ensure they are aware of what is, and what is not required, needed or the law. If all the counselor does is sit in the room and tell you "What do you want" they are allowing you to act on what your "assumed" Idea of what a service consists of" or what you need. Most things that ARE recommended, are usually not necessary.

If you say,

"I think we need embalming"

They will embalm and charge you.......

Don't we need to buy a casket?

They will sell you a casket.......

Do we need a Limo?
They will get you a Limo....

How about an urn?

They will pull out the urn book for selection....

Flowers?

You got it! CONTRACT!

And so on, and so on, and so on............

Corporate funeral provider will sit there and let you assume all you can about the funeral industry and do little to share with you the do's and don'ts about what is required, and what is not. They will then add all this to your service thus applying it all to your "contract" and ringing up those unnecessary charges you thought were required.

You, on the other hand will assume that them sitting there and putting all this to your "contract" as you ask about it  is acknowledgment that it is required, and you will pay for it. Silence is golden, and profitable.

Remember the only interest they are looking out for, is the bonus payment they will get at the end of the week, and unfortunately you will be the one paying for that bonus.

This is a very sad story, but this is not uncommon in the corporate funeral industry. Please do not let this fall on you as a victim. It is in your best interest to be aware, be advised, and be warned of these scandalous practices done by funeral counselors who are hoping for the big commission dollar at at the expense of your sorrow and misery.

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE A YEAR OLD...

A simple dream

About two years ago I lost my job as a dragline operator. I had decided to move into heavy equipment after I made a conscious decision to leave the funeral industry due to my observation of what I felt was a very greedy and corrupt industry. I really did not want much to do with it. I found myself really disliking people who worked in the industry, not because of what they did, but because of who and how they did it to people. I care a great deal for people and want to help as much as I could, but I also found myself working for people and corporations whose main concern was how much can you bring to the table when you make arrangements with a family. It was all about the numbers.

I spoke with my Mom in depth about what I could do, she said that I should do what I was good at, helping people to bury and grieve over their loved one. I sat down and wrote up a business plan, for one year I spent time putting together a small business that I felt could do better than those around me and be humble enough to not make a family uncomfortable with what I was trying to do for them. I knew a few people in the industry and one suggested I go talk to a man by the name of Tony Cerillo, Tony is the owner of "Serenity Mortuary Services". Serenity is the facility I use to do my family's cremations. Tony has been in the industry for 40+ years, and he was voted the number one funeral director in Arizona in 2009. I could not think of a better man to seek guidance from, and that's all I wanted, I really wanted to do this on my own. 

We found two or three locations at first, one always seemed to give way to the next until finally I found myself in the west valley. Goodyear then Avondale, I went through the motions of petitioning the city  of Avondale to open in the "old town" district. I hat to go through a 4 month process before I could open. The location I found was the old "Western Avenue Baptist Church" on Western Avenue. It needed a bit of work, ok, allot of work. But we did it. I remember when I was out and about picking furniture for the funeral home people would ask what I was doing with it, I would tell them, "I'm opening a funeral home". They thought I was crazy. I had so much furniture and equipment stored in my garage at home that I had to rent out a storage unit.

All the re-modeling we did by ourselves. We didn't want to go "over the top". We were on a tight budget and we wanted the place to be like as if you were at your own home. I think we succeeded. People always say that when they come in.

Opening

On September 21st,  2010 we opened our doors. I made it a very good point to have a very good relationship with any merchandise providers that sold retail to the community. It was not my intent to burn any bridges before  I crossed it. I tried to reach out to other local funeral establishments in the area, but before I was afforded the opportunity, they were already doing what they could to interrupt my business. From contacting funeral merchandise providers and telling them if they chose to provide services to Avenidas, then their services were no longer needed by them. Some service providers stayed with me, some left. That's ok.

I developed a very good working relationship with some very loyal merchants to include Serenity Mortuary Services, PBF Caskets and Urns, Desert Oasis Flower Shop, Ken Wyman, John Moreno, Eddies Caskets, West Valley View Newspaper, Sunflower Flowershop and Gifts, and many, many  local and national providers. I have also tried very hard to create and maintain good working relationships with other funeral homes such as South Mountain Mortuary, Harper Funeral Home, Ganley's Buckeye Funeral Home and many other funeral locations throughout Arizona and southern California and all my Brothers and Sisters at American Legion Post 61 in Avondale.. I enjoy a very good working relationship with The Mexican Consulate of Phoenix, Maricopa County Coroners Office and Office of Vital Records.

I have made it a point to reach out to some of the local worship facilities in the area, again some have been receptive, some have not. My thanks goes out to clergy and staff of many local churches that have opened their doors to us,  and afforded me the opportunity to provide services to their church and congregation. My gratitude also goes out to many of the local hospices, hospitals, and charity groups, that have been instrumental in getting our message and mission out to the community. 

To serve the community

Since we opened our doors we have been privileged to be called on to serve approximately 145 families. We do not take this calling lightly. It has all ways been our intent to reach out to the community anyway we could. We have done this through Facebook, our Blog, which you are reading now (thank you for reading) called "Lets Talk About It", and good ol' fashioned word of mouth. My intent is to keep the community informed, be it through comical presentation of the industry and heartfelt disturbing events that others have had the misfortune of happening to them. As comical or sad as it may seem at times, it has always been my intent to inform you anyway I could and help ensure that YOU are not the next story or nightmare someone else is reading about.

Pricing, Pricing has always been a big argument of mine, I feel very, very, VERY responsible to let the community know that it just does not cost that much. I have been told that I would not survive on what I charge, that we could not make it on our prices. Well, I beg to differ, In the year we have been open we have not incurred any debt, we have held our own and their is no "Big Bill" hanging over our head or "personal account" that we have had to dip into to save us. Because of you, the community we have survived the dreaded first year.

Now, how did we do this? We did it by treating you, the community as much more than a "case number". We did this by dressing and behaving a little more humble. We did this by not trying to pretend we are anymore than we are. There is a saying in the military, "We put our pants on just like you, one leg at a time". We pride ourselves in that we don't need to charge an arm and a leg so we can enjoy those luxuries in life that others can not. One of the requirements to work with us is that if you have an ego or arrogance about you, there is no room in our business for you.

My Veterans

It has been also my intention to serve the Military Veterans Community.  To provide them with the most affordable dignified services taking into consideration their service to country first and ensuring we have done everything we can so the veteran will be rewarded with all he/she deserves. Veteran services are not just a "job" to us, they are the special recognition that so many have been denied, and so many deserve on their way to rest.

  

No one has been turned away

Just like it says....... I honestly do think that everyone sees that all things are worth something, and all understand that things cost money, this is inclusive of a funeral service, BUT I fail to understand how anyone can charge the same amount of money for a casket than you would pay for a small car.

I can tell you in the year we have been open that no one has departed without service. We have done and will do everything we can to insure that a family is afforded a dignified service, be it direct cremation or burial. We have done all we can to assist.

Thank you!

Wednesday, September 21st 2011 is our one year anniversary. I kept telling my employees that all we have to do is get through that first year, get through that first year. Well we did. We did not open to be a flash in the pan, to raise our prices over the year to make more money, To gain the communities trust then sell out to a corporate giant. We opened to serve you, and without you, we would have never done this. We owe it all to you. WE are here for YOU!

We have been told we would not make it, we would be shut down and we would be run out of town. We were told we would not last due to our competitors "superior" service and "luxury" facilities. We were much to humble. Unfortunately, those that felt this way were unable to comprehend that "luxury, superiority and elegance" are the last thing on a families mind when they are grieving. The family knows it, some businesses do not, they are out of touch, they have wandered from the path. It is not about them, this is about you and your family.

At times like this, the family is in search of "comfort, dignity and respect". All the rest is just glitter. Glitter is not a emotion or feeling one expresses when they lose a family member or friend. Glitter is something you put on for a night on the town or to show another how important we are, most of the time this is done in fun. I have learned in the industry that granduer is not of great importance to a family when a person dies, not to those that are grieving anyways. Some may prefer it, and if they do its good to know that there are those locations out there.

Ours is just not one of them.

We are proud of that, you, the family's are the important ones.................., not us.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for allowing me to help you, serve you, guide you. I promise I will not let you down and we will always be here.

With much heartfelt respect,

Miguel A. Legaspi,

Owner, Avenidas Funeral Chapel

Oh!  Semper Fi (Always Faithful)

AND JUST HOW MUCH ARE YOU MAKING ON THE SERVICE??????

First things first, I believe in God.

I had the honor of assisting a family in the final arrangements for a family member that passed away this week. It was a difficult time for them, as all arrangement processes are. You try to take the burden from their shoulders as much as you can, its important to me that I take as much pressure off of the families shoulders as quickly as possible. I try very hard to put their minds at ease and afford them the opportunity to grieve and find support amongst themselves and friends.

One of the situations that arose was the families effort to locate a worship facility that they might be able to have a simple visitation and service at. It was becoming more and more of a hassle for the family so I stepped in to assist. I contacted one location in a neighboring town that the family had previously contacted and asked the minister if the chance was open for the church to provide its facilities to the family for a service. In the industry, it is not uncommon for a families minister or a minister to contact a local church and ask permission to use the facility for a service, even if the family member was not a member of the church.

I contacted this local church and communicated to the minister about the families situation, their small budget and perhaps if there was a way that this facility could assist in providing a location for the service.

Minister "X"

The first thing I was rudely told was, "Well, I talked to my insurance underwriter and he said it was too big of a risk, I can't do it". He hung up. I was shocked, I could not believe what just happened. Basically I was told by a local minister to go jump off a bridge, or words and meanings to that effect.

I sat at my desk numb, thinking for a minute what to do. I was a bit disturbed that a local worship facility would not even consider providing a simple 2 hour service to a local family. This minister did not even afford me the opportunity to offer a small honorarium to his facility for it's use.

After about five minutes I decided to call him back, I was to ask if perhaps I had misrepresented myself or came off the wrong way, I'm sure whatever it was I would be able to correct his misinterpretation of my request. Well, the phone was answered and again I re-introduced myself and I was told, "Where are you calling from?" I told him "Avenidas Funeral Chapel here in Avondale.   I was just hoping that a facility of God, that a family reached out to might re-consider to provide a service to the family?" "Who are you?" He shouted, "Are you chastising me"? At this point I realized I made a very big mistake trying to appeal to this mans emotions and compassion.

I was told, and I quote:

Look! I know exactly what you and your people are like, people like you coming here and breaking all their legs all over my parking lot and everything at MY church. I heard about those people, they're a problem, I have no time for you or your type here.

Pastor I thought the Church was suppose to help out by serving the community, I have a grieving family here, They need a little compassion and help. I don't think I'm asking for so much.

Oh yeah, and just how much are you making off of this family using my church? Whats in it for me? Why don't your people go bug the Catholics or someone else? Use their church. I bet she didn't even go here did she?, stop wasting my time...........click!

First off, I thought the the church was suppose to be the house of God that belonged to the people, I thought that even if a person was less than perfect that everyone was welcome in the house of the Lord. 

I was not aware that payments for services were required and expected.

and.........

I want to know exactly what was meant by the comments "your people" and "they're a problem" and "you and your type".

Please don't think harsh of any church of God. I have worked with some very fine ministers, pastors and priests in my day.  Please remember that if you find yourself in a situation while looking for a worship facility for a service and your calls are not returned, you are given many excuses and much hesitation, or the topic of whether the deceased was a member of the congregation comes up over and over, or the topic of a honorarium comes up. Perhaps you should seek elsewhere.

I know one thing now, I will never recommend, nor ask a specific pastor or his church for a family while they are grieving and are looking for a compassionate soul to help them through these times.

LOW COST FUNERAL HOME..... OR STEAK DINNER. YOU DECIDE.

Yesterday I spoke with the director over at the State Board of Funeral Directors and Embalmers in regards to an issue that was brought to my attention. It seems that we were being refereed to as  a "Low Cost" funeral home.

"Low Cost" Hmmmmmmmm!

Well let's have a look at that phrase. You see, in today's economy, we tend to try and follow the trend. Right now it is my observation that many families can not afford steak every night for dinner. There for something simple like chicken and noodles or even sopa and arroz will suffice. I am not saying there is anything wrong with such a simple meal, but for some, this has become the "norm".

Now steak is a good meal, and I like steak, but again in today's economy it appears more and more that steak, as much as we like it in America is becoming a luxury. We, as a society, a vast majority of this society can no longer afford to eat steak three times a week. Times have changed, and society, to include businesses must understand that our spending habits and budgets have and will change with the times. Lets take into consideration Applebee's 2 for $20 dinners. They get it. Need I say more?

So, lets get back to that topic or that label of being a "Low Cost" funeral home. Now, there is a corporation that owns a chain of funeral homes in the valley that they pride themselves in referring to these locations as "Low Cost" facilities. This is the marketing tactic they feel they need to do to separate the haves and have-nots, the blue collar from the white collar or for a more understandable perspective, the rich from the poor.

There are also some independent funeral facilities in the valley that follow in the same footsteps as these corporate funeral giants doing the exact same thing, separating or trying to separate the classes.

Buy a car?

Again, back to the topic of "Low Cost" funeral home label. Well, I don't look at it like that, in comparison to my corporate competitors the next small town over. We here at Avenidas still are able to provide an elegant facility, larger selection and more personalization, more options than they can or will. All this at still a more affordable price not a lower cost or "Cheaper Price" ( did I not do a blog on this when we first opened?). If it is your desire to have more than they offer, THEY will be referred to the "White Collar" side of their funeral chains or the "haves" side of their business, or to keep it  simple, the richer side of the funeral chain.

Observe or listen to the words that fellow funeral establishments share with you either in print, in person or "on the PHONE" when you are shopping around.

Degrading or insulting comments are a facilities way of making a last ditch effort to get you to come into their facility or not to leave their facility. If this is all they can do by insinuating their competitors affordable charges equal substandard or immoral practices or service, then consider moving on. These are gimmicks of a shoddy used car salesman that is itching to get your cash in his or her pockets. Is this the type of facility or staff you want preparing your services?

Over the top advertising be it through busy sloppy adds that are almost overwhelming is a sign of corporate splatter (as I like to refer to it) or over convincing. Is it necessary? Should your facility, your name and reputation not speak for itself?

Once again back to the topic at hand, "Low Cost" funeral home. Instead of entertaining this phrase any longer, I feel very comfortable in accepting the label or referral as "Affordable Priced or "Comfortably Affordable".  At Avenidas Funeral Chapel I no longer feel that we have to nor have we ever had to prove our pricing, our staff or our services to anyone. We are good at what we do, we are proud of what we do and we are here to do what we do for you, in a comfortable, affordable and dignified location.

Remember, this is what they want you to believe.

Remember, if someone is referring to another location as "Low Cost" all they are doing is pointing the finger back at themselves and saying "Over Priced and over rated in their own eyes". OR! if they are corporate its all about "We have a quota to meet at all cost".

So check out that "Low Cost independent" facility as referred to by another local competitor, I think you will be amazingly surprised as to what you will find.

And again, I will stand on my comment that we have NEVER, EVER referred to any other location, be it by name, corporate name or street address to promote or belittle their services or staff, pricing or facilities. We do not, we will not.

BUCKET OF CHICKEN!

WOW! Delicious chicken...

Yesterday on my way home from work I decided to stop of at a local chicken joint and get a bucket of chicken.  It was a regular day and I decided to walk in instead of going through the drive thru to get my chicken. So I walked into this place and there were three people in the place behind the counter. A young lady, lets call her Diana, walked up to the counter and said “Hi! Welcome to Chicken Land” (fictitious name) can I help you?” Diane had the best demeanor that I have ever seen in a “chicken place”. I was really blown away by her friendly greeting and real sincere desire to help me select the right chicken to suite my needs and hunger.  I asked her, Diane, how long have you worked here? She said a while since she graduated from high school; she needed a job until she could decide what she was going to do. I was really blown away. Most places it takes all you have to ignore the fact that the kid behind the counter trousers are hanging below his…, well, you know.

Will that be a wing or a thigh?

I worked fast food during high school and I know what its like to have to deal with people and food.  It is really hard to deal with people on a daily basis who really don’t seem to care who you are, only that they are hungry and they want the chicken on the racks behind you and they have about 20 minutes to eat and get back to work.

I know Diane could not have made $7.50 an hour MAX and for that, she gave me a great smile, a pleasant greeting and was quick to retrieve my chicken.  As I left it almost didn’t seem fair that she did all that for me, put the cash in the company drawer and commenced to grab a towel to wipe down the tables out front. The sad part being, her boss back in chicken central in Kentucky does not know nor will they ever know or care who this person is on the front line in the chicken wars. They just want her to push the chicken.

So why am I doing all I can to bring Diana and the chicken fiasco to your attention? This is a simple person doing a very simple job as she goes through life serving people for such a small hourly wage. I’m sure that at the end of the week she gets her check and goes home and is happy to have served a few people some chicken and earn a little wage to enjoy her weekend, help out around the house or maybe care for her family. The point here is Diane did not appear to me to be very self deserving with her attitude in her job or position.

So many in this industry we call funeral appear to me to feel that way. I talked to a man as of this week who was trying to do a simple cremation for his sister. He shared with me that he called 13, that’s thirteen, funeral homes prior to our location before he felt comfortable enough to work with one. He was amazed at the charge for a direct cremation. He kept asking, and what else…, and what else….. Nothing I shared with him. Direct Cremation, $585 complete. All included.



YOU WANT WHAT?

I was told by this gentleman that he was disappointed with how insensitive the industry appears, once they make the pitch for the big sale and all you want is the direct cremation, it’s like the air is let out of the counselor’s sail. They just don’t appear to care. "They cant get me off the phone quick enough" he said. He asked me,  "Why do people not care or act like they are doing you a favor by talking to them? Why do they act as if you are asking them to throw a piece of trash away for them? That's my sister!" He said.

I shared with him that it is my belief and experience that: (I am not an expert now!)

• 1. MOST Corporate funeral staff work on commission for the service packages sold, a direct cremation does not draw that much commission for the arranger, if any at all.  Remember, anyone who has the opportunity to receive a commission on a sale will sell you ANYTHING for that commission. The more sold, the bigger the commission.  There is the incentive.
• 2. Smaller funeral homes don’t make that much on direct cremations so whether one is provided or not, there is no great loss of revenue. Some care, some don't. 
• 3. Corporate staff works by the hour, they are not serving from a family owned point of view, in other words, it’s just a job to them, not something they originally chose to do.
• 4. The employee just doesn’t care. Its an easy weekly check for them, either they help you or not, at the end of the day they just punch the clock and go home.

Bla Bla Bla, I have no time for this....

My 13 years of experience leads me to believe that a vast majority of poor service in the funeral industry falls under number 4. And they don't care. Most of these people should not be working in the death care industry. They took the job out of necessity and lack the passion and compassion to serve people during these trying times. Remember, when you find yourself talking to a person that is giving you the impression that you are annoying them, disturbing them or is spending more time talking or laughing with someone in the background or being put on hold, do yourself a favor and hang up, because they don't care, not for you, or the next caller.

There are a lot of good honest people out there that work in this industry because they really want to help people, both corporate and independent. Let me repeat that! There are a lot of good honest people out there that work in this industry because they really want to help people, both corporate and independent. Now the reason I repeat that is because I don’t want my post to be interpreted as one that is laying blame on all others and making myself the beacon of light in the funeral industry.

The funeral industry has its good and bad, like, uh, let’s see……. steel mills, churches, shoe stores, window cleaners, gardeners and yes even chicken land!

So the next time you find yourself in need, please call around, with a little luck and good reception from a caring individual, you just might run into a caring counselor who will greet you with a gentle smile, a caring heart, a gentle touch and does her job not for the bonus or the hourly wage, but because she wants to help you.

Even if your just buying a bucket of chicken.

VETERANS BENEFITS, WHAT YOU EARNED, NOT WHAT THEY GIVE YOU...

What You Get and What You Don't Get...

Veterans

All veterans are entitled to burial in a national cemetery, a grave marker (regardless of the cemetery), and a flag. Spouses and dependent children are also entitled to a lot and marker but only in a national cemetery. There will be no charges for opening or closing the grave, a vault or liner, or setting the marker in a national cemetery. Depending on the circumstances, a family will be responsible for all other expenses including transportation to the cemetery.

• Death during active duty. All funeral expenses will be paid by the military—body preparation, casket, transportation to the place of disposition, interment (if in a national cemetery), and marker. In addition, as of July, 2005, next-of-kin are entitled to a "death gratuity" of $100,000, retroactive to October 7, 2001.
• Death due to a service related injury. There is a $2,000 "burial allowance" for these veterans which may be used to cover some of the funeral director's expenses, the casket, and transportation to the cemetery. IF death occurred in a VA facility, transport of the body to the cemetery will be paid, provided it is no farther than the last place of residence. If burial is not in a national cemetery, there is a $300 "interment allowance," but it is unlikely that will cover opening and closing or vault charges, let alone the cost of the lot. Although a marker is available at no charge, the private cemetery will probably have a setting fee.
• Nonservice-related death in a VA facility OR while collecting a VA pension or disability compensation. There is a $300 "burial allowance" which may be used to defray some of the usual funeral expenses. Although burial in a national cemetery is free to these veterans, all other mortuary expenses are the responsibility of the family. Transportation to a national cemetery (not farther than the residence of the deceased) will be provided only if the death occurs in a VA facility. The $300 interment allowance applies when burial is in other than a national cemetery.

Death of a veteran outside a VA facility, not receiving military pension or compensation. The $2,000 and $300 benefits do not apply, nor is there reimbursement for transportation to the cemetery. The lot in a national cemetery, any required vault, interment, a marker, and flag are the only burial benefits. If interment is in other than a national cemetery, the family is responsible for the cost of the lot, opening and closing charges, the vault, and any fee charged for setting the government marker if that is selected. The family must also bear all other funeral costs.

Spouse and Dependents

• A spouse and dependents of an eligible veteran are entitled to burial in a national cemetery even if the veteran is not buried there.
  A spouse who remarries a nonveteran may claim burial rights from the prior marriage.
  Spouses receiving military pay and who die in a military medical facility are eligible for military transport to the nearest national cemetery or no farther than the last permanent residence.
  Adult children of veterans are entitled to burial benefits only if disabled and dependent.

Others Who May be Eligible

• There are a number of others eligible for veterans' burial benefits if the person has provided military-related service. The list is quite long and includes civilians who were involved with military efforts during war-time. Members of the National Guard and Reserves with 20 years of service are eligible. Some Public Health Service personnel are also eligible. You should inquire if you believe you might be entitled to such benefits.

Persons Not Eligible

• Divorced spouses
• Adult children
• Parents, siblings and others—even if they are dependents
• Those with a dishonorable discharge
• Those convicted of subversive activities and capital crimes

Markers

• Memorials are available to all veterans, spouses, and dependent children buried in a national cemetery and will be set without charge. For veterans who died before Sept. 11, 2001, markers are available to them —not to the spouse or dependents—for use in other cemeteries unless the grave has already been marked by a private memorial. For veterans who died on or after Sept. 11, 2001, the government will provide a headstone even if the grave already has a private marker. The installation cost must be borne by the family when in a non-government cemetery. Several styles of markers are available and must be consistent with existing monuments. Niche markers for cremains are also available.
  Inscription must include name, branch of service, year of birth, year of death—in this order—and may include emblem of belief, rank, and decorations earned. At private expense, additional items—such as nick-names and terms of endearment—may be added but must be approved by the VA.

Miscellaneous Benefits & Other Information

• You may not reserve space in a national cemetery ahead of time; arrangements are made only at the time of death. Therefore, there is no guarantee that spouses will be interred side-by- side.
• Burials in a national cemetery are not usually conducted on weekends.
• National cemeteries provide space for both body burial and cremated remains.
• Check with the cemetery regarding gravesite adornments other than natural cut flowers.
• Military honors or a funeral honor guard may be available from nearby military installations or veterans groups. Fly-overs are reserved for those on active duty at the time of death.
• A flag is provided on request for the burial of any veteran. Apply through the VA and pick up at a U.S. Post Office. Family members may wish to purchase a flag case for later display, available through private sources.
• Next-of-kin, other relatives or friends may request a "Presidential Memorial Certificate." More than one may be requested.
• A family may apply directly to the VA for all benefits. Although it may be convenient to let the undertaker do so, you may wish to ask if the mortician charges for submitting claims.
• When the body of a veteran without next-of-kin is unclaimed from a VA facility and the estate is without sufficient assets, the VA will assume responsibility for burial.
• Other than for sea burial, there are NO casket requirements for routine body burial. An undertaker handling the unclaimed body of a vet must supply something more durable than cardboard, unless the body is to be cremated.
• "No-fee" passports are available for family visiting overseas grave-sites or memorials.
• The National Cemetery System may be asked to do a search to locate anyone interred in a national cemetery. In addition to general vital statistics, you will need to know the state from which the veteran entered military service.
• There are STATE-run veterans cemeteries that may offer the same or similar benefits, with some restrictions. For a listing of VA cemeteries, check http://cem.va.gov/

Caution!

 

Lets unlock this mess

The VA has gotten numerous complaints from vets who were approached by large CORPORATE commercial cemetery and funeral outfits offering free cemetery lots or other so-called veterans benefits for a minimal fee. These offers are made thru various veterans organizations thru free breakfast or lunch seminars to supposedly explain their "Free Cemetery Benefits" that they offer. Please understand that cemetery benefits offered by these organizations are already offered by the veterans administration at no charge to you or your family. It is the hope of these CORPORATE agencies that you are unaware of your already free and earned cemetery benefits and that you will not question the legitimacy of their credentials or assumed representation of any government agency. This can be confusing and misleading for some elderly veterans. Please be cautious.

They DO NOT represent the U.S. government or the VETERANS ADMINISTRATION! 

Please ensure that you are not being manipulated into purchasing items and privileges that you are already entitled to at no charge to you.

Be sure to ask:

• Must you also purchase another lot at the same time to get anything free?
• Can my spouse be buried with me at your cemetery for free?
• Can I be buried with my spouse at your cemetery for free?
• Can my spouse and I be buried together at a National cemetery? (this should be yes)
• Is the cemetery or any part there of maintained by the federal government?
• Where is it located?
• How much will it cost?
• Is it a national cemetery?(We have a National Cemetery Section) wrong answer
• Can I get the same at a National cemetery for free? (this should be yes)
• Is "perpetual care" additional?
• What are the costs for opening and closing each grave?
• Must certain memorials be purchased through the cemetery?
• Am I entitled to a free memorial marker from the federal government? (this should be yes)
• Can it be placed at your cemetery? (this should be yes)
• What are the costs for setting memorial markers?
• Is a vault required? Even for cremated remains? May it be purchased elsewhere?
• Are there marker or planting restrictions?
• What are the "administrative" charges?
• Who owns the cemetery? Is it a Corporation?
• Is there a nearby Veterans cemetery which charge nothing to me for the same services? (this should be yes)
• Do you, your CORPORATION or any of your agents represent the federal government in any way at all?
• May I have a business cards and name to present to the local Veterans administration for verification?

Understand your benefits and what you have earned, do not be scammed into purchasing something that is already yours. If you are the child of an elderly veteran, please accompany them to these so called "free seminars" to assist them in understanding their true benefits and legal rights. Never sign anything without first presenting it to the local veterans administration offices for verification. If you feel pressured, walk away...

Burial At Sea

Burial At Sea Burial (or the scattering of cremains) at sea is available to all veterans and dependents, and is provided by the Navy or US Coast Guard. A flag is required, and—if supplied by the family—can be returned. If supplied by the Navy, it will not be.

Because sea burials are done at the convenience of the military, the family may not witness sea burial.

Bodies waiting for sea burial must be embalmed to a state of preservation that will last for at least 60 days. (This is accomplished with undiluted embalming fluid; "stiff.")

A nonsealing metal casket must be used, bound with six bands of nylon. The casket must carry 150 lbs. of extra weight.

Two-inch holes (20 total) must be drilled in the top, bottom, and at each end.

To reach the regional Veterans office in your area, call 800-827-1000.

Semper Fi

WHAT IS FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED WORTH TO YOU?

Three or four times a week on my way to work I fumble with my cell phone to call my mother to see how she’s doing, sometimes I ask, “Mom, will you be coming into work today to clean today?” She asks if she is needed, of course she is, my mom is always needed. Other times she will call me and say, “Mijo, do you need me to help with a service tonight?" She likes to come in and help pass out prayer cards during the visitation or do whatever she can to help. It is important that she not stay late because not only do I not like her driving at night but I want her to be home.

This is family owned and operated, this is the definition of it, it is being involved with the business and as a family helping out where you can. I call on all my family now and again when needed. From assisting with moving things to my brother-in-law who plays with a Mariachi. And they come to help. To share the responsibility and guide a family. To help, not the funeral home, but the family, both their own and the one that has suffered the loss.

Avenidas Funeral Chapel would not be what it is today if it was not for my mother pushing me and telling me, “Son, you know what you are good at, people have always searched you out for your guidance during these times. So why don’t you move forward with this?” With my mother's influence and family assistance, I did.

Family owned and operated is much more than just a title, it is much more than just a flag to wave in front of someones face, or a banner to post on a building. It is a responsibility to the family you serve. They come to you expecting a little bit more. A softer touch, some understanding and perhaps the last thing they want to hear about is whether the company will allow you to do or not do something. They came to sit with "you" so “you” can give them advice, “you” can explain the system and “you” can give them a little compassion and understanding ensuring that they are requesting an adequate service that is within their budget. The family that comes to you is hoping to build a personal relationship with you and your family. Some families need a little financial help more than others, yes, some come hoping "you" are the one that can show that compassion, not the guy down the hall. They don't want to meet the manager, the president, or the CEO. All they want is a little bit of help.

It does not matter what the price range of the services you select or the facility you choose. In my humble opinion, to use a family owned and operated funeral home is by far better than those that are not family owned. With family owned and operated, a vast majority of the time you can count on meeting the business owner from the time he or she takes the call in the wee hours of the morning, when he or she goes to the hospital or your residence to bring the deceased into their care, and he or she stands at your side at the grave. That is the quality of service most family owned funeral homes will provide.

Remember, there are those that slip through the cracks. Some independents have gone by the wayside and can’t take their eye off the bottom dollar when working with a family. Use your best judgment. If a facility gives you a good feeling when you walk in, consider it for your services, if it is cold and sterile, use caution. If you so choose to use anything other than family owned, insist on working with the same representative, pick the one that makes you feel most comfortable.

With family owned and operated, it should not be difficult to change simple things or request little things such as a phone call or a correction on a document. When a record is being kept of all calls, faxes and documents, or you hear terms like "Forms A, C, ACC, D, E", use caution. Ask to see the deceased’s case folder.

There are allot of very good individuals that work in the “other than” family owned funeral homes. You will see them shine if you are in a position to be able to use them. It is really unfortunate, what happens to really good employees, that put a lot of care into their work, in these non family owned funeral homes.

Personalization is a very big part of what "family owned and operated" is all about. Personalization, to me, is defined as, no two services are the same, no two contain a cookie cuter approach to what it is. We strive to treat every family as different, as they truly are to the one before and the one that will follow. My family and I put a lot into what we do every time we help a family. It is very comforting to me when I am told by a family, “It’s like your one of us”. Well I am, and I am proud of the service that I provide to those out there that are just like me.

LET'S TALK ABOUT CREMATION..AGAIN..IT'S ALWAYS WORTH REPEATING

Cremation is one of the most basic ways for the “final disposition” of a set of human remains.  Of all services offered in the funeral industry, cremation is perhaps the most affordable in the industry, with “Direct Cremation” being the absolute most affordable to a family’s out of pocket expenses.

I have sat with many families who called and shared that all they wanted was “Cremation”, nothing more.  I respond with our cremation price of $585. Usually the family is a bit surprised because that is a very affordable price for an all inclusive, direct cremation.

Now, there is no such thing as “the right price” for a direct cremation.  To be honest, the right price  is the price that you find acceptable and choose to pay. I have seen the cremation price in this industry vary from $550 up to $3,500, all for pretty much the same thing. The price that you pay is usually all inclusive. The direct cremation “traditionally” provided by a funeral home consists of:

• Proportional share of the overhead cost
• Removal of the deceased from the place of death
• Refrigeration (will reflect a specific amount of days)
• Filing of the death certificate
• Cremation or disposition permit
• Cremation container (large cardboard box)
• Transport to the crematory
• Cremation process
• Temporary container for cremains back to family (not an urn)

Again, different funeral homes charge different prices, some locations are nicer than others, but do the exact same thing. The price paid depends on what the family chooses to pay, for they have the option of going elsewhere if it appears too pricey.

So what about cremation societies? Well, they're a good idea and there is nothing wrong with them at all, but if you are looking for the most affordable, look again. Most cremation societies will be underpriced by local "Mom and Pop" funeral homes. As a matter of fact, pretty much all of your local "Mom and Pop" funeral homes will have the most affordable price. If you need to confirm this, please shop around until you find the most affordable.

What about traditional services ending with cremation? Is this an option?

Absolutely! Burial is becoming more and more uncommon and many families are unaware that services can conclude with cremation instead of going to burial. You, as the consumer have the option of visitation (viewing), church services, or both, that conclude with cremation. The price tends to be more affordable due to the "no need" of a casket purchase. The local funeral home can sell you a "cremation casket" or rent you a cremation casket shell with a new insert and arrange for all the services you may decide to have.

Do I have to buy an urn?

No, you do not, but most funeral homes have a vast selection of urns to choose from. Urns, like caskets can be marked up a great deal so choose wisely. If it is your intent to scatter at a later date, an urn is not recommended, or perhaps a biodegradable scattering urn. Any reputable funeral home will provide you with a sufficient container to take the cremains home, if you can not afford an urn. A family can also provide their own container to be used as an urn if they like or purchase one elswere.

Can I bury cremains?

 

Cremation urn with inground vault



Yes, you can. You can also put a marker on the spot for future visits or even select something in a mausoleum or columbarium for future visits. Remember that a burial spot for cremains are usually far more affordable than for a full body burial plot. You can also purchase an underground urn vault if you like.

What about veterans cremains, can they be placed in a national cemetery?

Yes, as long as the veteran was separated under honorable conditions. All veterans, be them cremated or full body burial are generally eligible for internment in a VA cemetery. Contact the Veterans Administration or any local funeral home for assistance.

Is it legal to scatter the cremains at sea or on land?

Yes it is, as long as you are mindful of other people’s private property or locations. Contact your state funeral board representatives for further instructions and guidance in this area.

Can I take the Cremains home with me?

Yes, many families choose to do this until they decide what to do at a later date.

What about body donation and cremation?

Anotomical donation is a service presented by many funeral establishments. Basically what it is, is if a family chooses, they may donate the body to science or to an anotomical facility. Some of these facilities are non-proffit, some are for profit, some return some of the cremains to the family and some do not. In return, After a very thorough screening process and if the remains or body is accepted by the facility, the accepting facility will pay for the cremation of the remains that were not harvested from the deceased. There is nothing wrong with these facilities, just be very aware of what you are signing and have a very good understanding of what will become of the remainder of the body that does not get used. Will they be returned to you or will they be buried in a common grave? Many questions exist in this new area of human remains disposition. Many people can benifit from the donation of harvested body parts both for science and future quality of life.  Please consider but also be informed.

To conclude, remember, all funeral homes charge different prices for cremation. Some cost more than others and many people feel comforted in paying a little more. That is ok, if you can afford the charge and are comfortable with it, then it is your right to do so. Just remember that there are those out there that can’t afford as much, and they need locations and services that can accommodate their budget as well.